Fuck My Life (medical venting contained within, please feel free to ignore)
3 seizures yesterday
1 today, and it was a full-blown generalized tonic-clonic (“grand mal” for the laymen in the audience)
My seizures have not been this bad in well over a year, and I am still shaky from the massive panic attack I had a couple hours ago after I finally woke up from my postictal/ativan-induced coma because I had the big seizure this morning while I was alone in my apartment, and was thus forcibly reminded of why I probably shouldn’t be living alone.
The worst part is that there were no obvious triggers, they just fucking happened (my usual triggers are fever, low blood sugar, and certain types of repetitive light and sound like fire/car alarms). The only thing I can think of is that my seizure threshold was probably lowered significantly by last month’s medical nightmare, which I’m still slowly recovering from, or for some reason the antibiotics I’m still on are fucking with my seizure meds somehow, or I don’t even fucking know.
And of course all of this had to happen on a FUCKING WEEKEND so I couldn’t get a hold of my neurologist. I will be calling her office first thing tomorrow morning and I will hit speed-redial until I get a response. If I need my meds adjusted I want it done fucking yesterday.
(hey kids here’s a game for you: count how many times Expo drops the F-bomb in this post)
I have literally spent the last two hours in an on-and-off crying jag because every single fucking time I start to feel like I’m really getting better, something new hapepns, and I just kind of want to scream.
sorry for dumping this on you guys
fuck my life